What I Learned

I had the opportunity to serve as the Relief Society President* in my ward for the past 15 months. I never thought I acted the way a RS president should act or said the things an RS president should say. I always thought I was much too feisty for such a visible and responsible leadership position. When my bishop extended the calling, I asked him if he had been smoking crack! As I prayed about who to choose as counselors, I couldn't deny that the calling had come from God and that it was the right thing. In some ways, it feels like the time went so fast and in other ways, it feels like I was in that calling for years!

As it came time to pass over my handbooks, presidency meeting agendas, and miscellaneous handouts that managed to make it into my binder to the new president (who was as freaked out as I remember being), I thought about the things I learned through this experience. I can't say I was the perfect Relief Society president, but I felt love for every sister in my Relief Society. I know for certain that there was more I could have done, but I know I made a difference at least to a few sisters, but most importantly I made a difference for myself. I reflected on the things I learned and wrote a list of them to pass along to the new president. For those who might be interested in how the experience changed me and for my own recording purposes, here is a list (in no particular order) of what I learned. Some of it is corny and some of it is spiritual, but it's all true and it is all part of me.

What I Learned as Relief Society President

• Heavenly Father loves his daughters and is concerned for their welfare. Having a stewardship allows you to feel of His love for his daughters to the extent that you want to do everything in your power to help the sisters you serve to understand how much He loves them. He will give you the necessary inspiration to conduct the affairs of the Relief Society in your ward to maximize the benefit for his daughters.


• If you want sisters to come to an activity, invite boys. If you want boys to come to an activity, bring food.


• Never pass out ward photo directories at the beginning of Relief Society.


• For successful activities, announce them far in advance, keep them to an hour, and have some sort of refreshment.


• It is important to bear testimony of the Savior at every possible opportunity.


• You will be able to solve very few of the problems you are confronted with. Sometimes the most important thing (and the only thing) you can do is to listen and make sure the sisters know they can trust you.


• Visiting Teaching is the answer to pretty much any question. Give the sisters every possible opportunity to gain a testimony of this program and of stewardship. If you become aware of a problem in a sister's life, notify her visiting teachers (unless it's a confidential thing).


• If a sister confides something to you that you need to make the bishop and/or her visiting teachers aware of, ask her for permission to share before you do.


• Visiting Teaching numbers will always be higher than Home Teaching numbers. Take heart!


• Never underestimate what you can learn about a sister through Facebook!


• Visiting sisters in their homes is the best way to get to know them.


• Making sure that the records are up to date is one of the most important things you can do. Get a list from the computer at least once a month. Watch for new sisters or sisters who have moved. Keep it organized and make sure the Bishop and the membership clerk are aware of changes that need to be made.


• Sisters are great about commenting and answering questions during lessons. Unfortunately, it usually takes an uncomfortably long silence to get the ball rolling. Don't be afraid of waiting the awkward silence out.


• Having a cohesive presidency is one of the best things you can do. Make an effort to socialize with each other outside of church responsibilities. Have fun together! These relationships can and should last a lifetime.


• Delegation is crucial, but can be frustrating. Once something is delegated, you don't do it. You can (and should) follow up with the person the task was delegated to, but don't step in and do it even if it is not done when or how you would have liked.


• Delegation works best when responsibilities and deadlines are clearly understood. It helps to have a written agenda or meeting minutes so that everybody knows their responsibilities.


• Conducting Sunday Relief Society meetings works best when responsibilities are split up among the members of the presidency. If one writes the announcements on the board, another can meet and welcome new sisters and visitors, and another can arrange prayers and music.


• Relief Society board meeting is very helpful. It's important for everybody to realize the purpose of Relief Society to understand the significance of their callings and the best way to handle their callings. These should probably happen at least once a year.


• Make Visiting Teaching Supervisors an important part of Visiting Teaching. Help them to understand their stewardship. Make your expectations of them clear and make sure the sisters know who their supervisor is.


• Don't underestimate the importance of music in Relief Society meetings. It can be difficult to find someone who plays the piano, but prelude music is crucial for setting the spirit of the meeting.


• Remember to laugh. Sisters like to have fun!


• Whatever you can do to create unity in Relief Society is going to be worthwhile.


• Frequently ask for your bishop's input on what the sisters should be hearing on fast Sunday lessons and what weekday activities should focus on. It's important to respect the priesthood.


• Involve the priesthood whenever it's appropriate or necessary. The elders have a stewardship over the sisters as their Home Teachers. If you can't find the Home Teachers, take the matter to the bishop and/or Elders Quorum President. No sister who needs a blessing should have to go without.


• The church welfare program is inspired. If a sister is having difficulty meeting her temporal needs (with the guidance of the bishop of course), the Bishop's storehouse is an amazing resource. If you have an opportunity to help with a welfare order, it will be an amazing experience for you even if it feels uncomfortable at first.


• You will be a housing coordinator. People will be asking you to help them find places to live or help them find roommates. Keep your eye out for opportunities so you can pass them along when the moment arrives.


• You may not feel that anything you do makes a difference. Every once in a while, you will have a payback moment where you see the fruits of your labor. It may come in a note from a sister, hearing a sister's testimony of the way Relief Society has strengthened her, seeing someone magnify their calling, or knowing that a sister has visiting teachers whom she can rely on. The rewards do come.


• The Atonement is real. An understanding of the Atonement will help you to love the sisters you serve more deeply and more fully understand God's love for them. You will not be able to fix many problems you are presented with, but Christ will. The best thing you can do is to gain a strong testimony of Jesus Christ and the Atonement and then help the sisters to gain their own.


• Get to know all of the sisters in your Relief Society. Encourage your counselors to do the same. Be able to call every sister by name and recognize their face. This is a big task, but worth every second of time you invest in it. Make sure the sisters know who you are and that they have a friend in you. Give compliments liberally.


• There is always going to be more that you can do to be an effective leader no matter how much time you devote to your calling. Learning this early will keep you from getting burned out. The Lord expects our best efforts, but we have counselors and other callings in Relief Society for a reason. Doing the best you can is what the Lord requires of you.

*For anybody who reads my blog who is not of my faith, you can find out more about Relief Society here. You can also go to http://www.mormon.org/ for more information about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.